Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
and sofa cushions soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
and someone nice to scratch my back.
For windowsills all warm and bright,
for shodows to explore at night.
I pray I’ll always stay real cool,
and keep the secret feline rule.
To never tell a human that,
the world is really ruled by cats!
Author Unkown
[1761]A mother cat was teaching her kitten cat lore. She explained that this was the duty of all mother cats since before recorded history and it was important that her kitten would not do anything to embarrass her when she allowed her master to play with her. At the end of the lesson, after she had gone over all the cat rules such as ignoring anything the human might say, she asked her kitten if there was question she might want to ask.
The kitten said, “Momma, you have given me all the situations a cat might get into and the proper cat-responses but, what should I do if a new situation comes up that you haven’t covered?” Momma cat responded, “Oh my gosh! I’m SO glad you asked that. I’ve gotten into so many rules that I forgot the most important first rule!”
Kitten asked: “What is that, Momma?” Momma drew up and looked kitten right in the eye and said: “When in doubt — wash!”
[1760]A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?”
“Yes”, the wife answers, “why do you ask?”
Frustrated, the man answered, “Put the little bastard on the phone, I’m lost and need directions.”
[1759]The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
[1758]I wanted to let everyone know the cat breeds that we had listed on Breeder Pages prior to the blog.
Short Hair Breeds:
Abyssinian, American Bobtail, American Curl, American Shorthair, American Wirehair, Bengal, Bombay, British Shorthair, Burmese, Chartreux, Cornish Rex, Devon Rex, Egyptian Mau, European Burmese, Exotic, Havana Brown, and the Japanese Bobtail.
Long Hair Breeds:
American Bobtail, American Curl, Balinese, Birman, Himalayan, and the Japanese Bobtail.
Be sure to check them out when you get the chance.
[1757]An antique dealer is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.”
The dealer says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you 20 dollars for that cat.”
And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.
The dealer continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”
The owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”
[1756]We wanted to let you know that if you would like to keep up to date on our future postings, that you can subscribe to our feeds. If you would like to use your favorite RSS feed reader you can subscribe here. Or you can have our updates delivered to your e-mail by putting your e-mail address into the box on the left and hit subscribe.
[1755]Dear Dog and Cat,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest!)
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years…canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats’ butt. I cannot stress this enough! It would be such a simple change for you.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.
Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
1. They live here; you don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
4. To you it’s an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.
Now I hope that we have these matters straightened out.
Sincerly,
Your owner!
[1754]Did you know that a cat cannot see directly under its nose? That is why it seems that they can’t find any treats on the floor.
[1753]Hi everyone! We wanted to let you know that Breeder Pages has added four new cat breeds. Two longhair the Norwegian Forest Cat, and Oriental Longhair. Two shorthair the Ocicat and the Oriental shorthair. We hope that you enjoy the new breeds.
[1752]