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Q: Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?A: The outside.

[152913]

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!”Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!”"Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!”, says another, flicking his tail.At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” Says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog.”

[150577]

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him? The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head. A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately. The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries “MAIN! How many bars do you work at?

[150576]

Q: Why don’t blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?A: Cause their balls show!

[150575]

A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.The pharmacist says: “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature.”What else do you have?” asks the student. “Well I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,” replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.Then the student asks: “Do you have a pill for math?” The pharmacist says, “Wait just a moment,” goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter.”I have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires the student.The pharmacist replies, “Well you know math always was a little hard to swallow.”

[150574]

How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?Just say “Fees!”

[150573]

Q: Why did chicken Jim Morrison cross the road?A: To break on through to the other side.

[150232]

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender, ?Quick pour me twelve drinks

[150231]

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?A: A mental block.

[150230]

1. Try to use your dorm key to unlock your bedroom door.2. Have your mom scan your ID card for meals.3. Look for a tray to carry your dinner to the table with.4. Walk two blocks to go to dinner.5. Forget to dial the first three digits of your friend’s phone number.6. Dial 9 when calling out of your house.7. Use your calling card when calling your friends.8. Walk to the post office to get your mail. 9. Yell “FLUSH!”10. Jump out of the shower just in case someone does flush.11. Try to latch the bathroom door because you think you’re in a stall.12. Take all your shower items to and from your room.13. Get dressed in the dark.14. Go nuts looking for the quarter slots on the washing machine.15. Make junk food runs at 11:30 at night.16. Make popcorn just because you miss the smell.17. Order pizza every Friday night.18. Have one of your friends spend the night because you can’t sleep in a room by yourself.19. Move another bed, dresser, and desk into your room because there is too much extra space.20. Hang pictures of your college friends on the wall so you don’t miss them.21. Hoard food under your bed for when it snows and you don’t want to go out.22. Walk around the neighborhood looking for a computer lab (e-mail withdrawal).23. Fight your mother for quarters for the imaginary snack machine and pay phone in the house.

[150229]
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